My Life

For those of you who don’t know or have never heard of The Onion News you should quickly head to their website and check them out.

The Onion is an American “fake news” organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as an entertainment newspaper and website known as The A.V. Club. It claims a national print circulation of 690,000^[2] and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between 18 and 44 years old.^[2]

The Onion’s articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing on commonly used phrases, as in the headline “Drugs Win Drug War.” ~ The Onion Wikipedia

I personally don’t read many of their news articles but absolutely adore their videos. Their production quality is outstanding making them look sometimes even better than real news networks.

The stories they come up with and report on are as original as you can get. Below I’ve included some videos from their YouTube Channel that had me in tears. Read the rest of this entry »

A great song and a fantastic music video. Enjoy

Thanks,

Marat

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy, She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul “

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now”

Brief Pause

“Uh, okay then, …this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it Daddy”

“And what happened honey?” he asked

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead”

***Long Pause***

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool?”… Is this 8324 8437

Thanks,

Marat

Two Arabs are sitting in the window and middle seats on a plane.

The Arabs ask the Jew sitting in the aisle seat to get them a glass of orange juice so they won’t have to crawl over him. While he is up getting the drinks, they spit in his shoes.

When they are about to land the Jewish guy puts on his shoes and realizes what has happened. He complains to the Arabs,

“When will it all end? The hatred… the violence… the killing… the spitting in shoes… the peeing in orange juice…”

Thanks,

Marat

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:

“Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
Your Father”

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:

“Beloved Father,
Please don’t touch the garden. It’s there that I have hidden ‘the THING’.
I love you, too,
Ahmed”

At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can’t find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.

“Beloved Father,
I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That’s all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed.”

Thanks,

Marat

Image via Wikipedia

A new funny and yet stupid Adam Sandler movie is coming this July, 16th to be exact.

As always Adam Sandler produces funny movies that most love to hate. The movies are mostly funny but are always stupid (only talking about his comedies). You Don’t Mess WIth the Zohan is no different.

In You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, a comedy from screenwriters Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), and Judd Apatow (Knocked Up), Sandler stars as Zohan, an Israeli commando who fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York. Dennis Dugan directs.

I’ve been reading a few comments about the movie on IMDB and there seems to be a mixed opinion. Some say it’s a classic Adam Sandler movie, while others say it’s just plain stupid. But that’s the great thing about Adam Sandler movies, they’re always stupid, and that’s why most people love them.

After watching this movies trailers I believe it will be a great comedy that many will enjoy.

Trailers after the jump.
Read the rest of this entry »

I have somewhat of a collection of jokes, so I have decided (and I might not stick to it ) to post a joke maybe once or twice a week. Today I will post up two to begin with.

Memory

Three sisters ages 72, 74, and 76 lived in a house together. One night the 76-year-old drew a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She yelled down the stairs “was I getting into or out of the bath?”

The 74-year-old yelled back “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She started up the stairs and paused. Then she yelled, “was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 72-year-old sat at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shook her head sadly and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocked on wood for good measure. She then yelled, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

Cannibalism

Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.

The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!”

The second one replied, I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”

Thanks,

Marat

Image via Wikipedia

Since formatting my computer I was unable to find this tutorial because the forum that it was on was down for some reason. I have now found it again and wish to share this magical tutorial with you.

Note: It is only recommended you do this if you are the only user on the computer

1. Click Start -> Goto ‘Run’ -> Type in ‘cmd’ or ‘command’ -> type in CONTROL USERPASSWORDS2

2. Click your username -> Uncheck Users must enter a username and password to use this computer

3. Right click the start button -> Click Explore -> In the left pane, goto Programs -> Startup

4. Right click -> Goto New -> Goto Shortcut and type in %windir%\system32\rundll32.exe user32.dll, LockWorkStation -> Give it a name of your choice

The great advantage to this script is that it allows you to turn your machine on, walk away from the computer knowing that it will load Windows, log you in but still have your account locked and awaiting your password. Normally as you know Windows will always wait at the Welcome screen, which means you’ll have to login and again wait for your account to load.

I myself run Windows XP so I am unable to test this on Vista. If someone out there has Vista and would like to test this, please do so and let me know the results.

Thanks,

Marat

Image via Wikipedia

An Alaskan shorebird was recently found to have the longest non-stop flight every measured of 11,500 kilometres.

The bird (wader called a bar-tailed godwit) migrates from New Zealand to Alaska taking nine straight days to complete the journey.

“This shows how incredible and extreme birds can be,” said Phil Battley of New Zealand’s Massey University, who took part in the study.

“The prospect of a bird flying all the way across the Pacific was so much further than what we thought possible, it seemed ludicrous,” he said.

The study was conducted by fitting 16 birds with satellite transmitters at two locations in New Zealand. Apparently two different transmitters were fitted. Internal and external ones. The male birds that were fitted received external transmitters while the female received internal. Although the internal transmitters were heavier researches believed that the external transmitters impacted on the birds aerodynamics which thereby caused the male birds problems during flight and saw the males land a couple of thousand kilometres from their target area.

Battley was amazed, he said, to find that one of the birds, dubbed E7, flew some 6,340 miles (10,200 kilometers) directly to a wetland on the North Korea-China border (see map).

After feeding and resting there, she continued another 3,000 miles (5,000 kilometers) to Alaska.

[via Alaska Bird Makes Longest Nonstop Flight Ever Measured]

Thanks,

Marat

A couple of nights ago I was looking up beer, how it’s made and how they differ on Wikipedia and came across this very interesting list.

The following list as the title of this blog post suggests, is a list of countries ordered by beer consumption per capita (or per person).
Read the rest of this entry »